Monthly Archives: January 2012

Some Dark Room, Some Bright Summit

Why why should I ever be kind to anyone? Why does it matter? Not only do these small acts of kindness wither into nothing but fading memories, many times they are so insignificant to the that person. I still want to be kind, I want to be helpful, I want to be appreciated, I want to be liked. This is why even though time and time again I wear my heart out on my sleeve it becomes crushed and stamped down into nothing. Help, someone help. I want to help because I want to be helped. I want to be recused from the sinking inevitability of a lonely future. Good acts aren’t lasting even if people say they are. The only thing that I have ever found lasting is the memories of my strongest emotions. Standing at the top of those snow covered mountains with with three friends is the most complete Ive felt in ages. This weekend I felt like I wasn’t alone. Thanks so much for just being a good friend, you and everyone else. I know when I get all emotional on people it creeps them out, but just so you know just having good friends makes me feel very grateful.

Paul Played Guitar

Paul played guitar
John raised the bar
For every other runner in our school
Steve got it right
gave us a fright
That night he jumped the rail and stormed the field
I wasted time
In my future life
Dreaming bout the days that never were

And now the years pass by
So don’t ask why
I just

Need to start living
Keep on forgivin
Before its gone and were out of time
How could 12 whole years pass by without another day?
Well hold on tight
You’re doing me right
The world gonna pass us by
So Grab my hand
close your eyes
Baby enjoy the ride

It was that summer when
I started giving in
She had this pretty little smile I’ll never forget
We were out one night
God i was feeling right
Rolling in the grass all over her

Paul took a bow
As he wowed the crowd
That girl was sitting in the front row
Now he’s giving in
Not thinking when
That girl slipped him something to think about

And while me and her were kissing
Paul was wishing that we would never grow up
he said…

I Need to start living
Keep on forgivin
Before its gone and were out of time
How could 12 whole years pass by without another day?
Well hold on tight
You’re doing me right
The world gonna pass us by
So Grab my hand
close your eyes
Baby enjoy the ride

Now everything’s changing
The world keeps phasing
Till there’s nothing left there to surprise
It took 12 whole years to learn to enjoy the ride
Now comes goodbye

Paul plans his life
Hopes to have a wife
John lives each moment as they come his way
Steve gives it all
Won’t drop the ball
For anyone or anyway
Now I’m looking at
the aftermath
Of what I was and who I am

And although it’s frightening,
It’s still exciting to think that tomorrow’s another day

Need to start living
Keep on forgivin
Before its gone and were out of time
How could 12 whole years pass by without another day?
Well hold on tight
You’re doing me right
The world gonna pass us by
So Grab my hand
close your eyes
Baby enjoy the ride

The Versatile Blogger Award

I am happy to accept this award and thank Eric Alagan at “Written Words Never Die” <http://ericalaganfanclub.wordpress.com/&gt; for this nomination it means a lot to me.

 

http://ericalaganfanclub.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/versatileblogger111.png

Below are the conditions upon which I am to accept this award.

Thank the Person Who Nominated You

Post Seven Unique Things About Yourself

Nominate Fifteen Other Bloggers

Seven Things About Me

  1. I am a senior in high school in State College, Pennsylvania
  2. I plan on studying engineering or medicine in college with a minor in English
  3. I am a face-off man for the school lacrosse team
  4. I am a confirmed Catholic
  5. I wait tables at Texas Roadhouse
  6. I write all of my tasks for the next day on a whiteboard that’s mounted in my room
  7. I am an avid guitar and harmonica player

My Fifteen Nominations

  1. http://autumnsunshineandgabrielleangel.wordpress.com/
  2. http://makesomethingmondays.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/wondrous-talent/
  3. http://poetryproject2015.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/ahem-with-all-due-respect/
  4. http://crocodilesarepolite.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/andres-valerio/
  5. http://strataflora.com/2012/01/20/constellation/
  6. http://2012artproject.wordpress.com/
  7. http://shawndclark.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/day-18-living-in-our-spaces/
  8. http://juwannadoright.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/on-being-left-handed/
  9. http://kparkerdesign.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/words-from-picasso/
  10. http://mewgiaotaku.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/writing-update-120/
  11. http://juwannadoright.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/the-pickle-barrel/
  12. http://whisperspublishing.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/become-your-characters/
  13. http://kparkerdesign.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/best-of-switzerland-six/
  14. http://costak.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/facial-expression-studies/
  15. http://justfortherecords.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/ah-i-love-my-records/

 

Fleeting

You lie in your bed
And you cant sleep, it’s frightening
You hear a voice and you think
Dear god what am I becoming?

You leave the house quite basely
And you can’t believe what’s waiting
You slide the door closed gently
And compose yourself so slightly

You move so quickly
Your thoughts are rushing
Your heart is pounding
You’re spirit drowning

And ooooo you’re changing
Now you’re everything you thought you’d never be
You’re racing time on the other side of good but you don’t see
Nothing is forever, but this is everything to me

The cold air tingles your face
You find you’ve quickened your pace
Your body’s numb, your mind is fried
but still you have a thousand alibis

You slip into the covers
And lie awake so freely
You search your conscience deeply
But your beliefs they seem so fleeting

And ooooo you’re changing
Now you’re everything you thought you’d never be
You’re racing time on the other side of good but you don’t see
Nothing is forever, but this is everything to me

Now you’re crying out
You’re giving In
You feel a rush under your skin
You can’t give up
Youre blacking out
Who will ever help you now?

The stillness moves with all thats nestled
Your fears, your lies, your sins so gentle
Now you’re settled but you just can’t wait for this to pass,
embrace the pain and hope it lasts

Someone

I want to be with somebody who can see my soul. I want them to be as imperfect as I am, so we can share out flaws and faults, and enjoy the goodness in each other too. I want to let my guard down and just be. When they are lost in thought I want to be able to know want to to know what they are thinking about, and have some interest in it. On a Saturday night, I want to know beyond a doubt that they are going to be there, that I’m not going to be alone. I don’t want to be critiqued and judged, just loved and appreciated. I want someone like you.

Sometimes

Somtimes I feel numb, like nothing in the world could bring excitement to me. Sometimes I feel like I am literally itching to get out of my skin and run somewhere. It feels like at these moments I constantly need to be in motion, and it’s true, progress seems to be the only thing that differentiates the present from the past.

Sometimes I don’t think before I act. This is an easy way to make some pretty regretable mistakes. Believe me, I know; this is coming from experience. Acting on whims is only satisfaction for the moment and has no real value in the long-run. Every once in awhile it turns out that mistakes can be truly helpful in the long run, but understand even the most self-less acts bear some personal strife upon them.

Sometimes I think that I am smarter than I am. A smug arrogance that I have bred out of the gaining of greatly doctrined knowledge sneaks into my persona. I believe myself, at times, to be superior, but this is a subconscious flaw and I loathe it. Sometimes my pride is smashed to pieces when others outshine me. Often, this proves to be a good thing.

Sometimes I want to cry. For all my reasoning and well thought out words , I can’t answer the greatest questions in my life. Sometimes I hate myself for falling, for making others cry. Too often have the tears I’ve caused become satusfying to me. It is obvious that selfhis desires can turn us all into monsters.

Sometimes I feel comfortable living as I am; pleased to forget but not willing to forgive . Every arrogance of my past is a sin and I believe that I am scared to change my ways. I even argue that change isn’t possible, but this is all folly. To accept change in stride is to truly grow, yet still forgiveness is a must. I’m sorry.

Time

The clock spins faster than my mind can
Sun sets, everything is on track
Our lives flying with the time
But not to say goodbye

Time flies, your every little motion
Pulls me, your love is my devotion
Eyes closed, hands in the air
Feel how much I care
Stay and see
I’m your simple melody

Thoughts On… January

It’s been a roller coaster of a week; fright, anxiety, excitement, wonder, and even a little compassion have all been wrapped up around each other like a ball of yarn and it’s only Wednesday. For the past week, I’ve been going through the post holiday anxiety, you know, facing a long winter with next to no breaks in sight until summer. It happens every year, you can’t help but to slip into worrying about the future, how you’re living your life, and all the things you wish to change about yourself. This year I also have to decide which college I would like to attend, and make choices that will affect the rest of my life. Its inevitable that throughout this process you start to feel isolated in your own head, and mental isolation leads to a feeling of physical isolation too. I have found myself in a much more mellow mood doing a lot of thinking on my own, questioning theories I have come up with over the past year, and reconsidering what is important. By this evening I had done several full cycles through all of my emotions and upon arriving at work, I was leaning towards hopeless. Light has a funny way of creeping up when it is most missed though and my two favorite colleagues were on shift tonight, and I ended the night feeling more genuinely close to these two girls than I have with anyone in a long time. We shared dinner after the Texas Roadhouse closed and we talked for nearly an hour and half about all of our lives, the ambitions and the failings. These two people are probably considered to be just out of my “age range” for friends, but at the end of the night I was feeling more confident and hopeful about my future than I have in a long time. It just goes to show that even the most unlikely people can become the closest of friends, even the most worthless of days can hold an indefinite measure of meaning. There is a lot of uncertainty on the road ahead for you all and for me, but one thing is for certain and that is that no matter where you are there in life there will always be a friend looking to reach out, you just have to know where to look. This January, I look forward to seeing my friends Jess and Amelia at work and hopefully in other aspects of my life too.

 

Lately

Lately I have been thinking bout you
The clouds shade the world from a darker blue
Lately I have been thinking that we could simply start all over on the other side but believe me when I say I’m a different guy

And there’s a sunset burning through my window and out side there is a world that I can’t handle
Tonight I’m not thinking bout tomorrow or the things I have to do I’m thinking bout you

Your smile, and the way you hang your hair down makes me smile too
Your eyes, shine like diamonds that reflect the stirring revelations of your soul

And there’s a sunset burning through my window and out side there is a works that I can’t handle
Tonight I’m no thinking bout tomorrow or the things I have to do I’m thinking bout you

And I believe that what I’m feeling is real, lasting and true, an indelible imprint on me and you
But maybe we could take it back
Simplify this equation like a code to crack

Lately I have been thinking bout you

And there’s a sunset burning through my window and out side there is a works that I can’t handle
Tonight I’m no thinking bout tomorrow or the things I have to do I’m thinking bout you